funnyface215: Seriously, your profile pic is stunning
*** Waiting for simpatico783 to connect
*** simpatico783's IC window is open
simpatico783: Thanks. I have a good friend who makes me look that good using photo shop.
funnyface215: ;)
funnyface215: Really - just the photoshop LOL
funnyface215: So what are you up to this evening
simpatico783: Yeah, I'm just a plan joe. Except my name is not joe. I'm going to make some guacamole in a couple of minutes and chill in front of the olympics.
funnyface215: Alrighty
funnyface215: Nice to meet you
simpatico783: you?
funnyface215: Oh! LOL
funnyface215: I'm just hanging out at home
funnyface215: I work 3-6 with kids so my evenings are decompressing
simpatico783: Well thanks for the compliments
simpatico783: have fun decompressing! I work with kids 36 hours a week.
funnyface215: Yeesh!
simpatico783: yeah, but I love em!
simpatico783: of course there not all mine.
funnyface215: I do too - just a lot to take in - 25 in one room at a time
simpatico783: I drive school bus for a head start program so I'm with each group for about 45 min. then it's a new bunch x6.
funnyface215: Wow!
funnyface215: Lots of noise for you!
simpatico783: it can be. you only work with kids 3-6? are those times or kids?
funnyface215: Those are times!
simpatico783: only 3 hours a day?
funnyface215: I run the afterschool care program at our church's little Christian school
simpatico783: I see! you get paid for that?
funnyface215: I do in fact
simpatico783: that's good.
funnyface215: It's nice - I get to bring my 2 little munchkins
simpatico783: even better for you!
funnyface215: Yes
funnyface215: Some days it feels like it lasts a whole lot longer than 3 hours though
simpatico783: What do you do for the rest of the day?
funnyface215: I do my full time job.....Mom
simpatico783: how old are you kiddos?
funnyface215: Haven't been doing the single parent thing for all that long so I'm still transitioning
simpatico783: are you still married?
funnyface215: 3 1/2 and almost 2 - 22 months apart....oops ;)
funnyface215: Our final hearing is April 20th
funnyface215: Sorry - I had that on my profile but I got a lotta creeps that way
simpatico783: I see. I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. Especially for your kids. no matter what the circumstates are divorce is always hard.
funnyface215: It's better now - really
funnyface215: it's just paperwork now
simpatico783: I hope you are seeing someone who can and is helping with the transisition.
simpatico783: maybe even a group.
funnyface215: I am. My pastor has several doctorates one of which is in counseling
simpatico783: That is one group I have yet to lead. ohh that's great. is you ex seeing him as well?
funnyface215: Um no
funnyface215: He has moved to another church and life and lady and everything
simpatico783: bummer. bummer bummer. I'm so sorry.
funnyface215: It's really ok
funnyface215: It was a blessing in disguise
funnyface215: It was a long time in coming actually
simpatico783: okay.
funnyface215: I will never forget the moment I realized my marriage was over....we'd been married for 10 months 8 of which he was in Iraq
funnyface215: That was 5 years ago
simpatico783: two children? 10 months? 5 years ago?
simpatico783: I'm confused?
funnyface215: We got married in 2004
funnyface215: 3 weeks later he left for Iraq for an 8 month deployment
funnyface215: He came back - I knew it was over but thought that maybe giving him a family would change things
funnyface215: I fought hard, hard for 4 years to get things in a healthy place and it just didn't happen
simpatico783: wow!
simpatico783: now you have two children and your fighting will continue for much longer that 4 years.
simpatico783: bummer.
funnyface215: No - the fighting is over and now I get to live
funnyface215: I'm not angry with my ex anymore
simpatico783: I wasn't talking about with your ex.
funnyface215: Oh - explain
simpatico783: I'm talking about all the stuff in your head and all the second guessing you'll be doing for the rest of your life.
simpatico783: Its a bummer.
simpatico783: All I can say is stick to Jesus. Cling to the true counselor. Listen to him.
funnyface215: Why are you saying that to me
funnyface215: Have you been through something similar?
simpatico783: I'm one of your children.
simpatico783: My mom and dad split when I was 2 and I deal with it everyday.
funnyface215: My son is 2
simpatico783: I think the only reason I'm still alive is because of Jesus.
funnyface215: tell me why
simpatico783: Because everyday I wonder what it's like to be a man. I have no idea how to treat a woman.
simpatico783: I never played catch with my dad.
simpatico783: I'm 39 and still never married.
simpatico783: I think what saved me was Jesus. He brought me to familes where I could see what a true family looked like.
simpatico783: how dads are supposed to act.
simpatico783: what they are supposed to do.
simpatico783: that saved me. but it never was with my dad.
simpatico783: I hope at least your children will still know their father.
funnyface215: They know him
funnyface215: I left him because of abuse
simpatico783: but it's never really the same.
funnyface215: I know
funnyface215: They're why I prayed and fought so hard
simpatico783: I'm glad you left him.
simpatico783: for the abuse.
simpatico783: no one should have to deal with that
funnyface215: 6 weeks later he was openly dating the receptionist I'd suspected for months
simpatico783: But the real question is why did start dating him?
simpatico783: If you never answer that question. you might be suspect to being duped again and find yourself in another abusive relationship
funnyface215: I was 21. I wanted a family
funnyface215: He was handsome and asked me out
simpatico783: looks are only skin deep and ugly goes to the bone.
funnyface215: I know that now
simpatico783: That great!
funnyface215: We married 5 months after we met
simpatico783: were you attending any kind of church together? did you have any kind of community around you to see blind spots?
funnyface215: I'm extremely close to my family - my parents were very watchful
simpatico783: the ones falling in love hides so well?
funnyface215: We did go to church together. His dad was my pastor
funnyface215: All I ever wanted was to love someone - to give what I had
funnyface215: He seemed ready to receive it.
funnyface215: I hadn't dated much at all so it was flattering for someone to be so serious about me
funnyface215: Why am I telling you all this.
simpatico783: because something in you tells you I'm safe.
funnyface215: No one is safe
funnyface215: I picked this site bc it was "christian". I have been propositioned right and left - treated like meat - just like before
simpatico783: I call that the holy spirit. Your are right no one is safe. I like what cs lewis said about God. He said God is not safe but he is good!
simpatico783: Again, I'm sorry for that. Let me apologize to you for men.
simpatico783: all men if it helps
funnyface215: My dad was not that way
funnyface215: My dad was my hero
simpatico783: You should be treated like princes for in the Lords eyes that is what you are. Did your dad treat you like a princes?
funnyface215: That's what he called me
funnyface215: When I was little I would walk up to him and hold out my hand.....so he would kiss it
funnyface215: He was amazing
simpatico783: I hope this doesn't come across harsh. But if you dad treated you like that. Then why were you so flattered that mister wrong showed you affection? If your dad truly modeled it for you wouldn't you ha
simpatico783: ve known the difference?
funnyface215: Yes. I should have. My ex put on a very, very good show that fooled even my very discerning parents
funnyface215: It was just too quick
simpatico783: 5 months?
funnyface215: Yeah
funnyface215: we were planning on getting engaged that summer after we met
simpatico783: I'm sorry. my heart aches for you and I don't even know your name.
funnyface215: Sarah
simpatico783: Hi Sarah. I'm Brent. nice to meet you.
funnyface215: Hi Brent
funnyface215: My son's name is Noah
simpatico783: Nice. Is you family helping you now?
funnyface215: Yes.
simpatico783: wonderful.
simpatico783: wonderful
simpatico783: wonderful
funnyface215: I live with my mom (my dad is in heaven) and my little brother
funnyface215: for now
simpatico783: find yourself another dad here on earth and never marry another man untli that dad has given his approval. And wait at least a year after you met the next man!
funnyface215: I don't want another dad
simpatico783: "dad"
funnyface215: I just miss the one I had
funnyface215: I feel like I'm all alone now
simpatico783: Your not. Not if you know Jesus!
funnyface215: Me against the world instead of me and my dad against the world
funnyface215: I know that and I do know Him
funnyface215: very well
simpatico783: Well it's been my experience that God shows up using people. Get into a communith.
simpatico783: go find it.
simpatico783: it won't come to you.
simpatico783: find SAFE people
simpatico783: safe
simpatico783: safe
simpatico783: safe
simpatico783: people
simpatico783: Start with women!
simpatico783: women
simpatico783: women
simpatico783: women
funnyface215: I have a really good church family
simpatico783: cry a lot.
funnyface215: Women don't like me
funnyface215: I'm not like other women
simpatico783: That's not true!
funnyface215: It is true
funnyface215: I see it in their eyes
simpatico783: Did you give birth to 2 children.
funnyface215: I've never been like the others
simpatico783: I can't do that.
funnyface215: I get along better with men
simpatico783: Men cannot give you what you are looking for.
simpatico783: to truly learn the feminine sp? heart can only come from a woman!
simpatico783: You must learn it from them.
funnyface215: I sit in rooms full of women, and I see what they are and what I'm not
funnyface215: and I've always felt that
funnyface215: I was the awkward, loud, goofy, flat-chested wall flower in hs
simpatico783: they feel the same way. Ask them!
simpatico783: ask them.
funnyface215: no
funnyface215: If I sit in a room full of women like me, I have to know that they are all going home to be wives
funnyface215: and that was ripped away from me
funnyface215: and it hurts too bad
funnyface215: I have to wonder what it is they have that made their husbands stay
funnyface215: and what made mine hate me for being his ball andchain
simpatico783: Sarah, do you read books
funnyface215: yeah
simpatico783: If I recommend a book will you at least consider reading it?
funnyface215: yes
simpatico783: do you have a pen?
funnyface215: yes
simpatico783: handy
funnyface215: go aheah
simpatico783: Neil Anderson in the author.
simpatico783: hold on. I need to go upstairs and grab the book. I'll be right back.
simpatico783: okay. Please consider this book. If you have read it, read it again. If you don't have it I'll send you my copy.
funnyface215: Ok
simpatico783: It's called The Bondage Breaker. by Neil T. Anderson. Have you heard of it?
funnyface215: No
simpatico783: you can goolge it.
simpatico783: google
simpatico783: It's one I read many years ago. And has helped me a great deal!
simpatico783: The only problem is: is that there will be considerable attacts trying to get you NOT to read this book.
funnyface215: Why
funnyface215: I don't want to be stuck here
funnyface215: I want to heal my heart to give it again
simpatico783: because our enemy want's you stuck here.
simpatico783: he loves to see you in constant pain.
simpatico783: and he will do what he can to keep you here..
funnyface215: yeah
simpatico783: let me ask you this. do you think this conversation we are having now is just by chance?
funnyface215: This is my last day on here.............no
simpatico783: have you read my profile?
funnyface215: Yes
simpatico783: have you seen imagosolo at the bottom?
funnyface215: um no
simpatico783: go look
funnyface215: Oh wait yes
funnyface215: What is that
simpatico783: put a dot com at the end of that and go look
funnyface215: Ok
funnyface215: Ok that's cute
simpatico783: if you want to talk to me you can call me.
funnyface215: Oh. Ok
funnyface215: Cause you need another sad case to talk to, right?
funnyface215: I'm one of many
simpatico783: no.
simpatico783: if you are not comfortable with that. I'm ok with that.
funnyface215: No no - that's not what I mean
funnyface215: Why bother
funnyface215: why bother with me
simpatico783: Because you are one of God children! and he brought me to you tonight!
simpatico783: He runs all things Sarah
funnyface215: Oh I know
simpatico783: do you? really?
funnyface215: yes. really
funnyface215: I just feel a little forgotten
simpatico783: I know.
funnyface215: My dad died of a massive heart attack the day of my birthday party
simpatico783: I'd love to send you this book.
funnyface215: No worries. I'll buy it
funnyface215: You could send it to my church if you wanted - my mom is the secretary
simpatico783: Okay.
simpatico783: what church do you go to>?
funnyface215: Calvary Independent Baptist Church
funnyface215: 4601 North Terrace
funnyface215: Chattanooga, TN 37411
simpatico783: I'll address it to funnyface215
funnyface215: ;)
funnyface215: or Sarah Stevens would work too
simpatico783: okay. Sarah Stevens it is! I'll put it in the mail tomorrow.
funnyface215: really?
simpatico783: yeah, really.
funnyface215: Am I gonna be ok?
simpatico783: What do you mean?
funnyface215: I just need someone to tell me that it's possible to come out on the other side of all this
funnyface215: I just feel so ....used up
simpatico783: go to the bible please sarah.
simpatico783: Ask God to help.
funnyface215: That's too scary
simpatico783: If he can use a lame dating site he can bring you what you need. I know it's scary but it's the best thing!
funnyface215: I've just sat here in this chair and wept
funnyface215: Who are you
simpatico783: I'm just some regular joe here. Wondering what in the world God is doing with me.
simpatico783: Good! I'm glad you are crying.
funnyface215: My heart was gettin so hard
funnyface215: so cold
simpatico783: Did you know God collects all your tears?
funnyface215: Yes I did
funnyface215: I think my bottle's a little bigger than most
simpatico783: think of that. It's sarah stevens size!
funnyface215: yeah
simpatico783: yeah!
funnyface215: I don't have words for this experience tonight
funnyface215: I have spend 2 weeks being talked to so cheaply by men
simpatico783: that's ok.
simpatico783: why.
simpatico783: delete them
simpatico783: don't talk to then.
simpatico783: m
funnyface215: oh I do. I just happen upon one after the other
funnyface215: Makes me feel more like an old rag every time
simpatico783: start dating Jesus. Not christianity. JESUS
funnyface215: He's a jealous lover
simpatico783: yup!
funnyface215: and I always have such a failingly wandering eye
simpatico783: so did Israel. And he still loves them.
funnyface215: I don't understand that
funnyface215: I feel like such a throw away
simpatico783: Israel. The chosen people of God. They wandered in the desert because of their wandering eye.
funnyface215: It's so hard to grab ahold of that love because it's been so long since I felt a "man" show it to me
funnyface215: I told my mom the other day "I just want to feel beautiful and the last time Dad told me that I was, was the last time I felt it"
funnyface215: I was the good girl. I won awards for my character. I was real. It wasn't pretend with me - my faith and relationship with Jesus
funnyface215: I served Him and tried with all my might to honor Him with my choices.
funnyface215: I look around me and my whole world is gone. Everything I invested for .....has disappeared and in its place is something so ugly I can't look
funnyface215: So I've just been spinning my wheels a little
funnyface215: trying to spend enough days so heaven was closer
simpatico783: stop trying. religon wants you to keep trying. Jesus just wants you warts and all. I mean read the Psalms! They are full of people crying out to God.
simpatico783: David was a murder and an adulterer.
funnyface215: yeah - i know
funnyface215: crazy
funnyface215: but a man afte God's own heart
simpatico783: stop trying to figure out God!
simpatico783: His ways are not our way. His thoughts not ours.
simpatico783: yeah a man after Gods own heart.
funnyface215: yeah
funnyface215: He loves me, doesnt He
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: yes
simpatico783: even if you don't he does
funnyface215: and that never went away with the love of someone else
simpatico783: yes even the love or your dad!
simpatico783: if anything it increased because now it has to to make up for that loss. Think about that. Thats basackwards
funnyface215: Shaking my head at all this
simpatico783: yeah I know. I haven't even gotten started yet. and neither has Jesus!
funnyface215: really?
funnyface215: I mean I know the answer but you hear it so much....
funnyface215: you forget
funnyface215: I was saved when I was 6.
simpatico783: I would suggest that answers you have heard are from the wrong questions. which is why you are where you are now.
funnyface215: That ......actually makes sense
simpatico783: when you start asking differnent questions you will get differnet answeres. If you already know the answers you never contiune to ask questions.
funnyface215: Yes
simpatico783: yes. Listen. I need to get going. If you want to continue this conversaton another time send me your e-mail via my site and we can talk later.
funnyface215: Thank you
funnyface215: so much
simpatico783: You are very much welcome. Please do me a favor.
funnyface215: Ok
funnyface215: I will
simpatico783: promise
funnyface215: Yes
simpatico783: okay. read Romans 12:1,2 and Hebrews 12:1,2 tonight. Write them down as well. And sleep with that paper on your night stand so when you get up in the morning you can see first thing!
funnyface215: I will do that
simpatico783: great.
simpatico783: May the God who knit you together in your mothers womb protect you tonight and may you know his loving arms as you sleep tonight.

~ a "chance" conversation I had on a dating site February 2010